Top 10 things to do during the strike

By Tahmid Morshed

Image courtesy of Wix

So, it’s strike week (and a bit) and by some miracle, all or most of your lectures and seminars are cancelled. You find yourself wondering what to do at this point since you have nothing on as usual.

“What if I did the reading?” or “What if I did my assignments?” you ask yourself for 10 seconds before realising you’d rather be doing something else.

Well, I’m here to give you some pointers to make the most of this event because I too have nothing better to do with my life.

Number 10 – Do some work:

I’m kidding, I’m not a monster. Go do something else. You can do your essays or lab reports on the day it’s due. Or don’t. I’m not your mother.

Real Number 10 – Sleep:

You’ve spent most of your non-work time doing something, so use the valuable time here to just sleep because you will never ever get 12 hours of precious sleep a day ever again.

Number 9 – Go outside:

It’s a bit cold but going outside means you won’t be cooped up in your room eating an extra-large pizza and watching dubious internet videos like the degenerate you are. You can visit a park or go see a beach. The opportunities are infinite.

Number 8 – Take up a new hobby:

You have a week and a bit so just go do something productive like spin class or join a motorbike gang. Fun for days. Unless you get into trouble.

Number 7 – Sandwich:

Eat a sandwich. There isn’t a lot to say about this one and you should really know what it is anyway.

Number 6 – Start a Ponzi scheme:

Bank account at £0? No problem, just start a Ponzi scheme to earn some quick and easy cash. (Warning: this is illegal and will end up with you in jail)

Number 5 – Become a meme connoisseur:

Are you upset that your parents like your sister who opened her own vineyard more? Well, you too can become a connoisseur… of memes. Now go sit in the dunce corner and think about how much of a disappointment you are to your parents.

Number 4 – Cry:

I don’t really have to explain this one.

Number 3 – Explore your sexuality or other stuff:

University is the best time to experiment so go do that. Or don’t. I’m not really your parental guardian or authority figure. P.S be safe and sensible while experimenting.

Number 2 – Join the strike:

Jokes aside, lecturers and academic staff have their reasons to strike so you could go support them and their cause. Or not. I’m not… this joke is getting stale.

Number 1 – Do whatever you want:

You can do whatever you want. I’m just here to give you suggestions like a self-aware Buzzfeed article.

Congratulations, you 800IQ genius! You have successfully wasted your own time by reading this. Now stop procrastinating and actually go do your assignment or whatever work you have.

Number 0 – Bonus:

Well done for reaching this stage. I have nothing left to teach. There is nothing here except existential dread that the world is doomed and free Lidl Croissant Vouchers.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.