Catching up with... Richard Reece

By Harvey Blazquez

Deputy Vice Chancellor Richard Reece

Richard Reece will soon change his name to Richard Reese after he came to an agreement with The Hershey Company over a new line of chocolates – Reese’s Sadness Swirls. The new chocolate share similarities Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, but will have a completely new appearance. A key difference between the Swirls and other Reese’s products is that the new chocolate will contain the tears of University of Kent students.

It has been alleged that Richard Reece (not yet officially Reese) has been collecting students’ tears for more than a year, getting students to cry by serenading them with his signature tune “one tuition fee, two tuition fees, three tuitions fees, four – I want a new car so give me more”. Reece had apparently offered the tears to a number of companies, with Cadbury interested until they threw their weight behind Danny Dyer’s Delicious Advent Calendar, which contains 24 identical chocolates modelled on Dyer’s face, with the same quote “you’ve been ’ad. Eat me you saucy prick” engraved on each chocolate.

During the first week of February Reece will hold a book signing event in the Gulbenkian café. He won’t be signing copies of a book that he has written, instead he aims to revolutionise the practice of book signings by offering to sign almost any book brought to him. He has made it clear that he will not sign any books with offensive or harmful content. Interestingly, Reece will also refuse to sign any copies of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, claiming that, “Troilus and Cressida is the far superior Shakespeare play, Troilus’ emotional anguish feels so much more authentic than Romeo and Juliet’s parody-like ‘love’.”

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