Life stories - The enigma of dining alone

(Image courtesy of Unsplash)

2nd August 2021

By Elle Summers

In 2021, it is safe to say we live in a society which is becoming increasingly obsessed with technology. With the world being a click away on our phones, it’s no wonder we are addicted to scrolling through TikTok, spending every minute on social media and being aware of everyone else’s business.

This ease of access to the world has created a perfect escape for us introverts, especially in situations we would find awkward. Waiting for a friend to turn up? Of course, I’m going to be standing scrolling on my phone, it almost gives a reason or an excuse to stand in the spot we find ourselves without feeling out of place.

The fear of being by oneself and being judged for this is something I’m sure many of us can relate to. Yet, there are going to be times in our lives where we find ourselves alone, so why should this automatically come with feelings of judgement? Is it possible to spread our wings and do something fun for ourselves, by ourselves? With this in mind, I decided to take myself out for dinner, a notion I was not most thrilled by. The thought of asking for a table for one made my knees quake. The fact that the waitress checked this with me twice didn’t exactly make me feel brilliant about it either! But armed with my laptop, a book and a podcast waiting in the wings, I kept a smile on my face as I was finally shown to my table.

Knowing that I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I opted to go to Nandos, believing it would be more of a fast-food experience, and therefore, magically feel less odd being by myself.

But unfortunately, due to technical issues that meant they were only open for take away (your guess is as good as mine as to why that could be), I found myself in Pizza Express, surrounded by families, and so any chance of reading my book quietly in the corner was soon out of the window!

Yet, the minute I sat down, I was straight on my laptop, opening myself back up to the technological world for the search of that purpose. Why is it we feel we must portray a reason to others for doing something? Surprisingly, the waitress that took my order redeemed the previous response of her colleague by not batting an eyelid at my singularity, being lovely and polite and helping me to settle a little. Despite this, I stayed glued to technology throughout the experience, for once my food arrived, I plugged an earphone in to listen to my podcast. And so encased in my own little world, serenaded by the voices of Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett, I went about my dinner.

To my delight, about halfway through my meal, another lady walked in requesting a table for one, sitting in front of me. This calmed my nerves even more – safety in numbers and all that! Thanks to her, I no longer felt so alone amongst the sea of sociable faces of tables of threes and fives, and so I decided to treat myself to pudding. It was interesting to note how she seemingly had the same idea as me though, as after having sat down she immediately opened her phone, scrolling through the endless stream that is the internet. This intrigued me, as there was clearly a generation gap between us, yet there we both were, using technology as a barrier, as a reason for us to be there. I must admit I feel like the experience of dinner felt somewhat secondary, resulting in me just eating alongside being productive and getting some work done. Towards the end of the experience, I started to relax, making me realise how awkwardly I’d been sitting in my chair.

There was a point through eating my pizza where my brain went into overdrive. How do I sit? How do I eat? Which is crazy! The wave of social anxiety was not a pleasant experience, but I’m happy to say that I’ve done it, I survived it and the world is still turning. Although not necessarily an idea I would rush to repeat, being a poor student, I think the process of going for dinner by myself has really highlighted to me the feeling of a need for a reason to be doing an activity.

Which is bizarre, as I can rationally come to the conclusion that no-one cares, apart from maybe the young toddler sat on a table next to me that stared at me for a good five minutes!

I think the most important lesson to learn from this is that everyone is very focused on themselves, everyone is worried what they look like and how they’re perceived, and so no-one is really paying you that much attention.

I didn’t fall on my face, nor drop cutlery on the floor, or embarrass myself in any manner for that fact! And so from a reflective standpoint, I really can say it wasn’t that bad. But what happens if we take the technology away? We remove the purpose to hide behind? Why does that make us panic? The easy answer is that society is to blame, but surely breaking that barrier can only make our lives easier, making us feel more comfortable in a plethora of situations. But are we ready to take that plunge?

One thing I can say for sure, dining by yourself can promise you one thing – it will be the easiest way to pay the bill you have ever experienced!