Weekly Advice #3

By Department of Satire

Welcome to this week’s spiritual advice section courtesy of the Department of Satire. This’ll be a short one. We should mention that the spiritual guidance team got trapped somewhere in the mountains. They are being rescued right now. That’s all.

Horoscopes

We have horoscopes. The authorities have lifted the ban, but we don’t know for how long. You can find them here.

Advice

1) When trying to do anything remotely dangerous, make sure you have all the correct equipment.

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2) When assessing the hazards of something, make sure you have your priorities in order.

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3) When you fall into disarray, make sure you rebrand into something very sci-

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4) When you’re about to make poor decisions, think for a second. Just kidding, people like you can’t read.

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5) When making coffee, make sure you follow the instructions. If you don’t then your coffee will be less than average.

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6) When spinning around on one leg, be careful or you will fall.

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7) When aiming for the stars, make sure you build a rocket or you’ll be stuck on the ground.

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8) When trying to complete something important, make sure you understand how important it is.

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9) When attempting to buy something on the internet, exercise caution. You might get scammed.

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So, that’s all. We hope you learned something. Until the next time.

Views expressed in InQuire's satire articles are those only of the writer and InQuire does not endorse any of these opinions, this section is dedicated to entertainment purposes only. We use fictitious characters in our stories, except in regards to public figures being satirised directly.